Kids these days, man...

If you know me, you know I'm a dad. It's simultaneously the most pride and terror inducing name I've ever been called, and it's probably both the reason I'm still alive, and the reason I feel like that's constantly only a truth hanging on by a thread.

My son and daughter are my life, and they're so widely different from one another. It's beautiful, but man, it can also cause some major headaches.

The Boy-Child (10yo), he's so sensitive, and sweet. It's infuriating because everything upsets him, but it's also so goddamn endearing, because he legitimately cares about everyone and everything that much. I don't want to call him Boy-Child, but this is the public Internet and shit, so pseudonyms it is. We'll call him Jude, for reasons some people who know him and us will get.

The Girl-Child (6yo) is a firestarter. She cannot be contained or controlled, has the defiant spirit of anyone who's ever risen up against their masters. She's got a mean streak a mile long, but she's adorable and she knows it, too. I knew before I got here, we'll call her Kit, and that'll make sense to about six people, but they'll GET IT.

Kit has been sick today, she's got probably a cold, nothing major. But.. as a result, she's been BORED. And when Kit is bored, it is EVERYONE'S problem. Six years old, and she's destroying mom's skincare products and makeup because mom has the audacity to go outside for a smoke and a coffee. She's whining for "muh-muh" which is wild because she called her mom "mom" pretty clearly from the jump. There's been a devolution of sorts, and it's, I think, the baby of the family losing that sense of being the constant focal point.

It's a complete contrast to her everywhere else, and it's absolutely EXHAUSTING. Where most kids find some joy in indepencence, she only enjoys it when it's unscheduled, when she runs off into the neighborhood with me chasing... If we WILLINGLY give her space, it's the end of the world, lemme tell you. And it's been going on for a while. Granted, there are some reasons, and I don't intend on clarifying, but they're valid.

It makes me think about things, because even though I'm often infuriated with the situation, I cannot just ignore her completely. I am insecure as all hell, and I'm 39. I want my people RIGHT HERE, all the time... And dealing with Kit and her bullshit reminds me how hard that can be to do. Something in her doesn't trust the permanence of her people, and even though she IS admittedly being a bitch about it, it's not because she wants to be, it's because in her mind this is NECESSARY.

And look, it's hard to learn to leave that space for the people that make us feel safe. Like I said, I struggle with it. And it makes it tough for me to explain it to her... But the other side of that is that yes it's tougher, but it's forcing me to explain it to ME, too.  I've often held on so tight, when all I needed to do was just breathe, and enjoy the fact that I didn't have to hold on, nothing was slipping.

And as much as it drives me nuts to suffer her clinginess, the homies did it for me, and I'm grown. Kit and I, we'll figure this out together.

This was going to be a completely different rant when I started, but I dunno, this ain't an awful reflection either. So, here we are. First of countless redirects or derailings you'll witness, honestly. Deal with it.

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