Rust Belt Ramblings

I’m a new person. Well, it feels like it at the moment. This year has been me blowing up a lot of things in my mind and my being, and the spaces keep getting filled with revelations and realizations. It’s been awful and awe-inspiring, the worst year of many but so much better than the past. It hurts my brain to process it but I’m nothing if not a masochist so I’m living on the high of self-discovery right now. It’s not going to last forever. I think that’s why I was encouraged to write about it. It was a good suggestion, recording for posterity, and I’ve learned to steal those good suggestions and outside observations. One of the things that has really kicked in for me is a desire to hear the outside view, it’s taught me to listen to myself more as I apply the principles of giving others my ear and taking their words to heart. Yesterday, a friend bought tickets to a concert for himself, and also me and Chelsea. It was impulsive and I sorta advised against including me but he would not ...

Lately, I’ve been contemplating time. Not so much the whole concept, my mind would implode and I’d be fetal sitting in the shower muttering about futility and all that jazz. No, I've been thinking about time as it relates to me and the way I’ve conducted myself. Let me explain. I was the kid that at five years old would sit in the bathtub and contemplate my own mortality. Bear with me, this isn’t all so depressing, I promise it takes a turn. The point I’m establishing is that I’ve always worried about the limited amount of time I’ve had. Maybe I was burdened with glorious purpose or something, I didn’t know why, but it always felt so fleeting, even when it was supposed to feel infinite. As I got older, I was always preparing for the future, and I did all the things I was expected to societally to do so. Kept up my studies and all that fun shit. Then I failed out of university in my first year. I didn’t want to be an engineer, I didn’t know what I wanted but it wasn’t that. Honestly...